New Beginning
My new beginning is finally here! I have been working towards becoming a Writer my entire life, but I’ve never truly understood what it meant to be a Writer.
I’ve never known how to become a writer, except for a few times when I kind of sort of had an idea. Like when I wrote short stories and essays all through elementary, middle, and high school. Or the time I got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Creative Writing. Or when I false started three blogs, none of which have more than a handful of posts and a whole lot of “potential!” And I definitely didn’t know how to become a writer the three times I started writing a novel before I talked myself out of it.
I’ve always felt like I was missing a key ingredient to becoming a Writer. So, I held myself back. Part of it was insecurity. And clearly I wasn’t good at this whole being a writer thing because I couldn’t finish anything! The story I told myself for over a decade slowly grew from “I just need to figure out what I’m missing,” to “Why try when I’m doomed to fail?”
Well, I’ve learned why I need to try, even if I’m doomed to fail. I believe working as a writer is the only way for me to cope with the world and all the bullshit that comes with being a human in it. I’ll admit, maybe I’m wrong and this is just a narcissistic need to vent into the void and a career as a Writer isn’t in my future. I don’t know. All I know is that I tried to do the traditional career thing and fit into a system I hate, and then I had a nervous breakdown and for the first time in my life I reached a crisis point that scared the ever loving shit out of me, my loved ones, and my therapist.
After three months of intense therapy and a new med regimen, I came to realize that what was hurting me most was trying to fit into a box I didn’t belong. And then I dreamed up the idea to leave my current job and relaunch my career as a freelance writer! Safety nets be damned! I was sick with COVID and had a major fever when I dreamed up this idea, so before I torpedoed my entire life, I consulted the two people I trust to always give it to me straight and tell me when I’m being too delulu to function, my therapist and my hair stylist. They both exclaimed it was a great idea, and since it’s really what my heart wants… enter the cliff, a giant leap, and a shit-ton of faith here.
I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m figuring this out as I go, and I hope you’ll join me for what is sure to be an interesting adventure! I plan to expand this website to be more than “just a blog” in the future, but for now, that’s how it will start. This section, Cait’s Diary, will read like a journal or personal letter and this is where I will post updates about future projects in addition to personal essays and reflection pieces.
I have hopes to build Cait’s Coven into an independent digital media source that helps educate readers on the events in the world, provides a community for those searching, and elevates independent artists, writers, and other creators. This will be a place where we can dive into our humanity and explore how we relate to the world, the universe, each other, and ourselves. Life isn’t always easy, and I hope what I create will bring peace, understanding, and maybe a hint of joy to your life. <3
I want to be clear at the start that I’m choosing to share a portion of my personal life that I have never been comfortable sharing. I’m choosing to be vulnerable in a way that I feel is the most productive and healing. This means I will also protect my mental health and wellbeing when necessary. Hate or intolerance of any kind will not be accepted in this forum.
Thanks for reading this far if you did. The comments are open, please keep it kind. <3
I’ve never known how to become a writer, except for a few times when I kind of sort of had an idea. Like when I wrote short stories and essays all through elementary, middle, and high school. Or the time I got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Creative Writing. Or when I false started three blogs, none of which have more than a handful of posts and a whole lot of “potential!” And I definitely didn’t know how to become a writer the three times I started writing a novel before I talked myself out of it.
I’ve always felt like I was missing a key ingredient to becoming a Writer. So, I held myself back. Part of it was insecurity. And clearly I wasn’t good at this whole being a writer thing because I couldn’t finish anything! The story I told myself for over a decade slowly grew from “I just need to figure out what I’m missing,” to “Why try when I’m doomed to fail?”
Well, I’ve learned why I need to try, even if I’m doomed to fail. I believe working as a writer is the only way for me to cope with the world and all the bullshit that comes with being a human in it. I’ll admit, maybe I’m wrong and this is just a narcissistic need to vent into the void and a career as a Writer isn’t in my future. I don’t know. All I know is that I tried to do the traditional career thing and fit into a system I hate, and then I had a nervous breakdown and for the first time in my life I reached a crisis point that scared the ever loving shit out of me, my loved ones, and my therapist.
After three months of intense therapy and a new med regimen, I came to realize that what was hurting me most was trying to fit into a box I didn’t belong. And then I dreamed up the idea to leave my current job and relaunch my career as a freelance writer! Safety nets be damned! I was sick with COVID and had a major fever when I dreamed up this idea, so before I torpedoed my entire life, I consulted the two people I trust to always give it to me straight and tell me when I’m being too delulu to function, my therapist and my hair stylist. They both exclaimed it was a great idea, and since it’s really what my heart wants… enter the cliff, a giant leap, and a shit-ton of faith here.
I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m figuring this out as I go, and I hope you’ll join me for what is sure to be an interesting adventure! I plan to expand this website to be more than “just a blog” in the future, but for now, that’s how it will start. This section, Cait’s Diary, will read like a journal or personal letter and this is where I will post updates about future projects in addition to personal essays and reflection pieces.
I have hopes to build Cait’s Coven into an independent digital media source that helps educate readers on the events in the world, provides a community for those searching, and elevates independent artists, writers, and other creators. This will be a place where we can dive into our humanity and explore how we relate to the world, the universe, each other, and ourselves. Life isn’t always easy, and I hope what I create will bring peace, understanding, and maybe a hint of joy to your life. <3
I want to be clear at the start that I’m choosing to share a portion of my personal life that I have never been comfortable sharing. I’m choosing to be vulnerable in a way that I feel is the most productive and healing. This means I will also protect my mental health and wellbeing when necessary. Hate or intolerance of any kind will not be accepted in this forum.
Thanks for reading this far if you did. The comments are open, please keep it kind. <3
Love,
Cait